


Tell Me Where It Hurts Most

by FayeHunter



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 times ashton gives luke a forehead kiss and the one time luke does it for ashton, 5+1 Things, Luke is a little sad and nervous and anxious and ashton gives him kisses to make it better, M/M, just soft boys being soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29123958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeHunter/pseuds/FayeHunter
Summary: "Ashton shrugs, clearly at a loss for whatever it is that Luke wants but accepting it nevertheless. Luke smiles, closing his eyes a bit. He almost misses the brush of Ashton’s lips on his forehead, the light gazing of a kiss against his skin."Or Ashton keeps giving Luke forehead kisses when he needs it most and the one time Luke returns the favor.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 50





	Tell Me Where It Hurts Most

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lifewasradical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewasradical/gifts).



> Am I ever not writing something for Amanda? This is for [Amanda](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com/), because she mentioned liking forehead kisses and who doesn't like a good forehead kiss with projection onto Luke Hemmings.

The first time it happens, it’s an accident. Luke’s been living at Ashton’s for a few months now, an unspoken argument between them for Luke’s own safety. One too many late nights and bad choices and Luke on the edge of _something_ that meant he couldn’t be left alone. Luke wants to be upset about the fact that the others think he needs to be with someone, has to be taken care of like a child, but instead he just feels relief. He doesn’t trust himself alone, doesn’t trust his own mind, his own body, when all he can think about is how he’s a burden and a disappointment and a waste of space. Luke likes being around another person, having someone to remind him to be a person with routines and habits instead of just existing in some sort of liminal space.

Luke likes living with Ashton. He’s structure and stability, runs his life on a routine that gives some relief to Luke. He knows where he should go and what’s expected of him. He likes building his days around Ashton, waking up and asking Ashton what they’re going to do. Sometimes they go for walks with Petunia, sometimes they write music. Sometimes they get in the car and drive around long enough for the sun to set and that they almost run out of gas. Some nights Ashton is determined to teach Luke to cook, no matter how disastrous it ends up being. Luke’s endeared that no matter how frustrated Ashton gets, he continues to try and teach Luke, answering all of his dumb questions and fixing all his problems like Ashton can. It’s brought Luke’s old crush on Ashton back to the surface, reminded him of exactly what it is he likes about Ashton so much. Luke’s been turned into a starstruck, dreamy eyed lovesick teenager all over again. 

Luke finds himself sitting outside on Ashton’s porch, staring out at the woods behind his house. It’s late at night, dark enough that Luke knows he should be asleep right now, but he can’t bring himself to get up or move. He’d woken up from a dream, stretched thin and panicky and the only thing he could think to do was to go outside and sit out here. It’s windy, but peaceful, giving Luke a chance to just sit and _be._

He’s staring off to a distant point when he hears the door open, turns his head to see Ashton sticking his head out. 

“Luke?”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing out here?” Ashton asks, coming out onto the deck, settling into a chair next to Luke. He’s squinting a little, hair wild and messy around his face. There’s sheet creases on his cheek and Luke is overwhelmed by how soft and in love he feels, staring at Ashton. He has to turn his head away, confession and desire burning at his throat. 

“Woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Thought some fresh air might help.” 

Ashton hums, staring out at the trees. Luke studies Ashton’s profile, the curve of his nose, the cut of his jaw. Luke blushes, glancing away before Ashton can catch him staring. 

“It’s nice out here. Peaceful.”

“I know. That’s why I’m out here. Feel like we never get a chance to just breathe and enjoy the world.”

“Only you would choose to enjoy the world in the dead of night,” Ashton teases. Luke rolls his eyes, glancing over at Ashton, catching the soft smile he’s sending him, eyes full of _something_. 

“It’s when the world is the best,” Luke says. Ashton leans over, interlocking their hands between the chairs, rubbing a thumb over the back of Luke’s hand. Luke hums under his breath, trying to control the excitement he feels from holding hands with Ashton. It feels silly and childish to be so happy about it, but he is. Luke loves physical touching and affirmations and he drinks in any chance he gets to have Ashton give it to him. Luke feels like he’s accomplishing something when Ashton holds his hand or wraps an arm around him, or cuddles next to him on the couch when they watch movies. Ashton isn’t a big fan of physical intimacy and Luke feels special and important when he can get it from Ashton, confirming Ashton’s love for him especially now that he’s been living with him for a while. It relieves some of the anxiety Luke has that he’s a burden to Ashton and that he’s been bothering Ashton living here. But in the quiet intimacy of this evening together, sitting outside in the middle of the night when they’re the only people awake, Luke feels content and happy. 

They stay like that for a while until Ashton finally detangles their hands, shifting around like he’s going to stand up. 

“Good night Lu,” Ashton mumbles, sleep heavy and half awake. He stands up from his chair. 

“Night Ash,” Luke says. He curls in on himself again, holding his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them. Luke’s tired and he probably shouldn’t be left alone outside, but he feels better now having talked to Ashton. He feels less spacey and out of body, more sleepy than existential now. He likes it though, out here in the quick darkness, with the wind dancing around him. It’s the first time in years he’s just had the chance to be alone and he wants to savor it.

“You’re not coming in?”

“Wanna stay out here for a little bit.”

Ashton shrugs, clearly at a loss for whatever it is that Luke wants but accepting it nevertheless. Luke smiles, closing his eyes a bit. He almost misses the brush of Ashton’s lips on his forehead, the light gazing of a kiss against his skin. Luke’s breath catches in his throat, eyes flying open to look at Ashton. He freezes, clearly caught off guard by his own action. Luke can see the faint blush staining his cheeks as he straightens up, coughing lightly.

“Well, good night!” Ashton says, a little too high pitched and strung out to go unnoticed. He raises his hand in a half wave, turning on his heel and rushing back into the house. Luke blushes, burying his face into his knees and huffing out a sigh. It doesn’t help that his heart is pounding, chest a flutter at the fact that Ashton’s kissed him. Luke tries to tamp down on the teenage crush that’s flaring up and tells himself it was a slip of Ashton’s need to comfort. That’s all it was. An accident.

***

The second time it happens, Luke’s still surprised by it. It’s been a few weeks since Ashton kissed Luke on the forehead on his porch. They haven’t talked about it, Ashton playing at innocence the next morning, greeting Luke at breakfast like nothing had happened. Luke played along, even if it broke his heart a little, having Ashton pretend that he hadn’t kissed Luke, what it could have possibly meant. Ashton’s been acting like nothing happened that night, but he’s been avoiding getting too close to Luke, putting distance between the two of them whenever they’re in the same room together. Luke doesn’t know what to do to fix things, but Ashton’s the one who kissed him. In Luke’s mind, Ashton needs to be the one to say something.

They’re taking a break from songwriting today, so that Ashton can teach Luke how to cook. It’s a long standing thing in the band that despite everything, Luke still doesn’t know how to cook. Luke figures what’s the point in learning when he’s always had other people around. It shocks Luke to think about the fact that he’s so very rarely without Ashton or the other guys that he doesn’t think about cooking for himself. He’s always had Ashton for that. Ashton tried to teach him once, but got frustrated at Luke’s lack of progress and didn’t trust Luke with anything sharp so the lessons had stopped. Usually now, when Ashton cooks, Luke hovers around the countertop, poking his head in and commenting on things. 

Today though, Ashton’s been quieter than usual. Even though they had agreed on Ashton teaching Luke how to cook, Ashton’s been quieter as the day’s gone on, until he finally wandered off to the kitchen. Luke had stayed back, strumming on his guitar, trying to avoid getting into Ashton’s way, until he realized how hungry he was, how late it was. Luke sets his guitar down, making his way into the kitchen. 

Ashton’s standing at the stove, stirring something. He’s focused on what’s in front of him, doesn’t glance up when Luke comes in, clearing his throat. Luke sighs heavily, going further into the room and draping himself over the countertop next to the stove. He glances up at Ashton, pouting when Ashton doesn’t look over at him. 

“Ash,” Luke whines, dragging out the syllables of his name. Ashton glances over at him, barely acknowledging Luke before he looks back at the food. 

“What are you making?” Luke asks, trying again. 

“Soup.” 

“What kind?” 

“Chicken noodle,” he says. Luke perks up. Ashton turns and stops, sighing. 

“What?” 

“Luke, you’re right in front of the drawer.” 

“So?” 

“I need that drawer.” 

“You haven’t really spoken to me in weeks and this is the first conversation we’re having?” Luke asks, staying firmly planted to his spot in front of the drawer. Ashton sighs again, heavily, getting a hand on Luke’s hip and squeezing. Luke screeches, darting out of Ashton’s touch. It’s a low blow having Ashton use how ticklish Luke is against him. Ashton rummages around in the drawer, grabbing some spoons and a knife. 

Luke heaves himself up onto the countertop, sitting on the edge of it and swinging his legs back and forth. Ashton sets the silverware onto the counter, looking over at Luke and sighing again. 

“Why do you keep choosing to be right in front of where I need to go?” he asks. Luke juts his chin out, frowning a little. 

“How am I supposed to know where you want to go? You don’t tell me anything,” Luke says. Ashton frowns.

“You’re being a brat, you know.”

“Too bad,” Luke says. Ashton rolls his eyes.

“Real fucking mature, Luke. Move so I can finish making us dinner.”

“Talk to me first.”

Ashton sighs heavily, tilting his head back, staring up at the ceiling, “If we can just get through dinner, we can talk.”

“We can?”

“Yes. We can talk about it, okay?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I think getting out would do us both good.”

Luke nods, hoping off the counter and leaning up to grab the bowls. Ashton huffs, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Luke sticks his tongue out at Ashton, but holds the bowls out for Ashton to ladle some of the soup into. Luke brings them over to the table, Ashton grabbing glasses and filling them with water. 

“You don’t drink enough water,” he says when he catches Luke looking over at him. Luke sticks his tongue out, earning him a laugh. 

“Okay Mum.” 

“Well, someone needs to look after you,” Ashton says, setting the glasses down on the table next to the bowls. Ashton doubles back, grabbing a plate of bread from the counter that Luke missed before, bringing it back to the table with some butter. He takes a seat across from Luke at the table. They eat in tense silence, Luke quietly taking a piece of bread and ripping it into smaller pieces, popping the pieces into his mouth. He looks up, catches Ashton smiling.

“What?” Luke mumbles, blushing in the face of Ashton’s full attention.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just cute that you still do that with your food. Making it smaller.”

“It’s just a thing I do.” 

“Yeah, but it’s nice to see you haven’t outgrown some of your habits,” Ashton says. Luke rolls his eyes, but takes it for the peace offering that it is. 

“Just because you eat your bread in a whole piece like a heathen,” Luke snips back, smiling to show Ashton he’s only teasing. Ashton huffs, rolls his eyes a little. The tension is relieved a little bit, easier for Luke to eat dinner knowing that Ashton is no longer mad at him, that whatever awkwardness they’ve had after the forehead kiss has been eased. They wash the dishes together after, Ashton talking Luke into washing them since Ashton made dinner. Ashton ends up drying them anyway, humming lightly under this breath as they work together. The domesticity of it strikes Luke, the feeling of closeness, of home, of being with Ashton. Luke hates that it’s the first thing he thinks of, what it would be like to pull Ashton into a kiss, of what it would be like to never leave, to share a life with Ashton. Luke dunks his hands into sink water, scrubbing at a bowl to distract himself.

“So, the kiss,” Ashton says. Luke freezes, glances over at him. Ashton’s staring steadily into the cabinet he has open, hands frozen on the glass he’s putting away. 

“The kiss.” 

“I didn’t mean to turn it into a thing. Where you couldn’t talk to me.” 

“I wasn’t talking to you because I thought you were upset with me.” 

“Not with you. Never with you,” Ashton says, turning to Luke with a worried expression on his face. Luke smiles, taking his hands from the sink water and reaching out to Ashton. Ashton crosses the kitchen, pulling Luke into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Luke sighs, melting into it, wrapping his arms around Ashton. 

“Just talk to me next time,” Luke whispers. 

“I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You could never. Besides I didn’t mind it.” 

“Good. That’s good,” Ashton says, nodding. Luke smiles, letting Ashton go back to drying things, Luke finishing up washing. They watch a movie after, curled up close on the couch, Petunia between them. When it’s time to go to bed, Ashton leans over, pressing a kiss to Luke’s forehead as he wishes him good night. Luke smiles and goes to bed happy, trying not to think about what it would be like to pull Ashton into a soft kiss on the lips instead. 

***

It becomes something of a habit after that. Whenever Luke and Ashton get ready to go to bed, Ashton will come over and kiss Luke on the forehead before he goes. Luke’s not sure what sparked the trend of it, why Ashton’s gone from ignoring it to suddenly doing it everyday. Luke also didn’t realize how dependent he’s become on the forehead kisses. If Ashton forgets to come find Luke, Luke seeks him out for one. 

It isn’t just before bed either now. Sometimes while they’re doing things around the house, Ashton will lean over and press a kiss to Luke’s forehead. He does it while they’re making breakfast together or when they’re writing music. When Luke laughs and scrunches his nose up during a movie, Ashton leans over and presses a kiss to Luke’s forehead, rendering him speechless in surprise. Luke’s not sure what to make of it, especially considering the fact that Ashton isn’t fond of physical touch the way Luke is. While Luke enjoys expressing his love through hand holding or cuddling against Ashton. It’s odd to have Ashton express his love in such a physical way. Not that Luke’s complaining. Or well, he is, if only because it isn’t helping Luke’s teenage crush on Ashton. 

It’s an odd routine they’ve formed, the frequency of their kisses. Even now that they’ve started back on tour, Ashton still finds a way to give Luke kisses every night. He makes a point of doing it once Michael and Calum have left the room, but he still does it. 

Luke’s jittery tonight though. They’re a few shows into their _5SOS III_ tour and Luke is hoping that his nerves would have disappeared by now, but here they are in full force. Luke’s still adjusting to playing again, to being in front of people, especially considering they’re trying out a new sound and look. Luke can’t seem to shake the nerves, bouncing around backstage, unable to get comfortable. Michael and Calum have been playing some video game, shouting back and forth. They’d invited Luke to join, but he’s been unable to concentrate all day, opting out of playing the game by claiming he wants to make sure he knows the words to their songs. It’s only a half lie, anxiety coursing through his body scaring him into thinking that he might forget something.

“Hey,” Ashton says, startling Luke from where he’s been standing in the corner, tapping his foot anxiously, trying to remind himself to breathe.

“Hey,” Luke says, hears the shake in his voice, frowning. Ashton tuts, getting closer to Luke, so that only the two of them can hear. 

“Are you okay?”

“Just nervous. I can’t fucking shake them or the anxiety. I feel rusty and silly up there and I just feel. Icky. I feel icky and gross and I hate it.” 

Ashton cups Luke’s jaw, forcing Luke to look up at him. Ashton’s wearing a serious expression on his voice, brows furrowed. 

“Lu, take a deep breath for me yeah?” He asks, taking a deep breath. Luke mimics him, blowing the air out through his nose. He reaches up, grabbing hold of Ashton’s wrists, closing his eyes as he keeps breathing. It helps a little, being able to focus on Ashton and his body, grounding himself in Ashton’s presence. 

“Better?” Ashton asks quietly, when Luke finally stops shaking, breathing even. Luke nods. 

“Thanks,” he whispers back, squeezing Ashton’s wrists as he lets go. Ashton smiles, rubbing his thumbs lightly over Luke’s cheeks. He leans forward, pressing his lips to Luke’s forehead and pulling back so quickly, Luke would almost have missed it if not for the fact that he’s used to it by now. Ashton gives Luke a soft smile, letting go of Luke’s face and turning on his heel, heading back over to the couch. 

Luke’s mystified by it. While he’s come to expect Ashton’s kisses while they’re at home (and that’s funny isn’t it, that he’s started calling Ashton’s place _home_ ), having them in public is relatively new. Even if Michael and Calum are too focused on their game to notice, there’s still the risk that they might see Luke and Ashton. Not that there is anything to see per say, but Luke’s worried that if they see he’ll never hear the end of their teasing over it. 

Luke hates to admit that Ashton’s kiss helps him, but it does. He focuses through the show, boosted by the guys and Ashton’s confidence in him, the smile he keeps sending Luke whenever they make eye contact. It helps ground Luke, reminds him that no matter what, he has Ashton and Ashton believes in him. 

It isn’t until after the show, when Ashton catches his wrist and pulls him in for another kiss to the forehead backstage, that Luke starts to wonder if maybe there’s something more to the kisses than he thought before. 

  
  


***

They’re been on tour for a few weeks and Luke’s discovered that even on tour, he and Ashton have fallen into a routine of their kisses since the one backstage. It’s harder now, to do it as spontaneously as when they were living together. There’s a limited number of opportunities for them to be close, nights spent performing and days spent trying to catch up on sleep or hanging around with Michael and Calum on the bus now that they’ve adjusted to being on tour. Luke’s still hesitant about them knowing. Even though he hasn’t directly addressed it with Ashton, he seems to be the same way, making sure that any kisses he gives to Luke are done out of the way of Michael and Calum. 

Ashton always seems to always find a way to kiss Luke though. He pulls Luke in for a kiss before and after every show, pressing his lips to Luke’s temple and whispering words of encouragement to him. Before they get in their bunks at night or when they share hotel rooms, Ashton will beckon Luke over to kiss him good night. It makes something flare in Luke’s chest, hope and love and desire, all rolled into one at the idea that he’s the sole focus of Ashton’s attention. It reminds Luke of being a kid again, flushing whenever Ashton would compliment him during band practice. Everytime Luke thinks his crush on Ashton has gone away, it comes back in full force. 

Luke wakes up late today, groggy as he opens his eyes, trying to figure out where he is. From the small, cramped space he’s laying in, Luke would have to guess that they’re on the tour bus at least. The slight rocking is soothing for Luke, with his eyes half opened, facing the wall. He thinks it could lull him back to sleep if it wasn’t for the fact that he can hear Michael shouting from the front of the bus, like always. Besides, Luke doesn’t know what time it is and he figures it’s probably late enough that he should get up and eat something and do his warm ups before having to go on stage. 

Groaning, Luke rolls over to his back staring up at the ceiling. He can see some of the sunlight streaming in through the cracks in the curtain. Luke’s telling himself that he needs to get up and move or something, but he can’t get up the energy to do so. 

His phone buzzes next to him. Luke grabs at it, squinting at the screen as it opens the message to see it’s from Ashton, telling him to get up and come drink some water and eat something. Luke huffs, knows Ashton’s right. He locks his phone, tugging back the curtain and climbing out of the bunk. 

The guys are all gathered in the longer area, Michael and Calum arguing about whatever movie is currently playing on their laptop. Ashton’s sitting next to them, headphones in, tapping a beat out on the table. He glances up when he sees Luke come into the room, smiling, and pushing a bottle of water in Luke’s direction as he collapses onto the bench next to Ashton. He pops an earbud out, laughing when Luke groans and drops his face onto Ashton’s shoulder. 

“Tired?” 

“Don’t wanna be up,” Luke grumbles, closing his eyes again. He knows it’s fruitless, considering the angle and how loud the guys are being and the fact that his mouth is dry enough that he should drink some water, but Luke can at least pretend he’d be able to sleep out here. 

Ashton huffs out a laugh, smoothing Luke’s curls away from his forehead. Luke sighs happily, rubbing his cheek against Ashton’s shoulder and humming.

“What are you listening to?”

“The Flaming Lips ,” Ashton says, holding the headphone out to Luke. Luke grabs onto it, sticking it into his ear, letting the sound of guitars and drums fill his ears. They’re not Luke’s usual type of music, but he knows that Ashton likes them and Luke will do just about anything as long as Ashton is happy. Luke turns his head, humming along, as he watches Ashton continue to tap out the beat of the song onto the table in front of him. 

“You know, you can go back to sleep.” 

“Gotta get ready,” Luke mumbles. Michael and Calum have quieted down a bit, the sounds of the movie they’re watching filtering through the speakers. 

“You can afford another few minutes to sleep. I’ll wake you up.” 

“I gotta eat and get ready,” Luke insists, although he makes no move to get up and do either thing. 

“I promise I’ll get you up with enough time for both. I’ll even make you something to eat.” 

“You promise?” Luke says. He knows it won’t take much for him to fall back to sleep now, curled into Ashton and already half asleep. He trusts Ashton to get him up in time, to have something for him to eat, to make sure Luke has time to study the words for tonight, to make sure he knows his guitar. Right now, Luke just wants to sleep. 

“Cross my heart,” Ashton says. He reaches up, playing with Luke’s curls again. 

Luke feels warm and content like this, curled up onto the bench next to Ashton. He knows he should drink some water, get something to eat, start his pre-show routine, but Luke can’t be bothered to do much of anything right now. Instead, he feels his eyes start to close, snuggling in closer to Ashton’s side. The last thing he feels before he drifts off to sleep is Ashton leaning down to press a soft kiss to his temple, humming lightly against the skin. Luke smiles, rubbing his cheek against the sleeve of his shirt, happy, as he falls back to sleep pressed against Ash. 

  
  


***

Luke can’t sleep. He’s been laying on the bed in his hotel room unable to sleep for what feels like ages. He knows, rationally, that it hasn’t been that long that he’s been lying awake, but it feels like longer. Luke’s tired, exhausted after all the shows they’ve played and exceptionally tired considering tonight was their last show. However, Luke’s tired brain doesn’t seem to be cooperating with his body. He can hear Michael snoring in the bed next to him. Luke wishes he could be asleep like that right now.

Luke sees his phone light on the nightstand next to the bed. Luke sighs, rolling over onto his side and reaching for his phone. There’s a text from Ashton that just says “ _pool?_ ” on the lockscreen. Luke figures he’s not going to sleep anytime, so he might as well go with Ashton. Luke texts Ashton back, sitting up and quietly leaving the bed, grabbing his keycard and shoes as he leaves the room. 

Ashton’s already standing in the hallway, in a tshirt and sweats, wearing sandals. He’s glancing down at his phone, smiling when he looks up and sees Luke.

“Hey.” 

“Hey,” Luke whispers back, following Ashton down the hall to the elevators. 

“I couldn’t sleep. I figured if anyone else was up it would be you.” 

“What does that mean?”

“Means I know you, know your patterns. Thought maybe you’d be having a tough time considering tonight was the last night of tour,” Ashton says, pushing the down button on the elevator. Luke chews his bottom lip, worrying the skin there. The elevator digs, opening up for the two of them. They step in, letting the doors close before Luke speaks up. 

“It’s just the end of the tour. This was the first time we played those new songs and people liked them.”

“What’s the anxiety then Luke?”

“There were so few songs. What if people don’t like the new album? What if they don’t like what else we have to offer?”

Ashton reaches over, taking Luke’s hand in his, squeezing. Luke takes a deep breath, squeezing back. The elevator digs, letting them know they’ve reached the lobby. Ashton tugs Luke out, following the signs till they reach the pool area. Luke follows Ashton out to the pool. It’s empty, considering it’s so late at night. Ashton takes his hand back, kicking off his shoes and rolling the leg of his sweats up. He sits at the edge, dipping his feet into the pool. Luke sits cross legged at the edge of the pool, dipping his fingers in and running his hand back and forth in the water.

“Luke, of course people will like the new sound. They liked what we showed them this whole tour. There’s no reason to think people won’t like the new things.”

“But what if people like what we did before? What if they don’t want new sounds?”

“Then we don’t need those fans. We want fans who will grow with us. We have to stay true to ourselves and what we want. Music has to fulfill us, sustain us. We can’t lock ourselves into doing something just so people will still like us. It has to fit who we are now,” Ashton says. Luke hums, stopping his movements, letting his hand rest in the water.

“You think so?”

“We’ve worked too hard on growing and developing to stop ourselves now. You saw how excited people were this tour. Imagine how excited they’ll be when we have ever more new stuff,” Ashton says. Luke smiles, resuming his movements. 

“When did you get so wise?”

“When you all turned me into the band dad,” Ashton teases. He moves closer to Luke, bumping shoulders with him. Luke smiles, trying to stifle his giggle when Ashton grins even wider, does it again. Luke swats at him, letting his hand fall to rest between them on the pool deck. Ashton rests his hand next to Luke’s, pinkies just barely touching.

They sit outside for a while, until Luke starts to feel his eyelids droop, exhaustion finally winning over his body. He drops his head onto Ashton’s shoulder, sighing deeply. 

“Ready to go back in?” Ashton asks quietly. Luke nods, lifting his head up. They stand up, Luke rubbing his hand off on his pants. Ashton slips his shoes back on, the two of them making their way back into the hotel lobby and to the elevator, riding it back up to their floor. 

“Thanks for tonight,” Luke says, as the elevator digs on their floor. They step out and make their way down the hallway.

“Anything for you Luke. I’m always here when you need it. You know that.”

“I know but, it’s nice to have you confirm it again. Sometimes I need it.”

“Well, I’ll tell you as many times as you need me to,” Ashton says, smiling. He squeezes Luke’s shoulder. Luke smiles back, heading back Ashton to his hotel room door. He pulls his card out getting ready to swipe it when he realizes something.

“Wait,” Luke says, voice urgent. Ashton stops, hand on the doorknob to his room, turning to look at Luke. 

“What?” 

“My goodnight kiss,” he says, blushing once the words are out. It seems silly to have said out loud, to admit to Ashton that Luke is expecting a kiss as always. Luke’s a creature of habit and routine, likes when things are structured and in order, eases his anxiety. He didn’t realize how much Ashton’s kisses were built into that routine until just now. 

Ashton snorts, smile at the corner of his lips. He beckons Luke over, meeting Luke halfway between the two doors. He reaches out, cupping Luke’s jaw in both hands. He tilts Luke’s head down, standing on tiptoes to press his lips to Luke’s forehead. His lips linger, soft and warm against Luke’s head. Luke’s breath catches in his throat, reaching out to rest his hands on Ashton’s hips, pulling him a little closer. 

They stay like that for a few moments, Luke clinging to Ashton, Ashton with his lips still pressed to Luke’s forehead. Finally, Ashton pulls back, smiling softly. 

“Good night Lukey. Sleep well.” 

“Thanks Ash. You too,” Luke whispers, taking his hands back as Ashton let’s go of him. He takes a step back, stepping back towards his door and scanning his card, giving Ashton a final wave as he goes back into his room. 

Quietly, Luke kicks his shoes off, puts his phone on the nightstand with the keycard and slides back into bed and pulls the covers over himself. He burrows under the covers, pulling them up to his chin. Luke falls asleep with a smile on his face and the feeling of Ashton’s lips still pressed to his forehead.

***

Luke’s curled up on his couch, petting Petunia in his lap, when his phone rings. Luke furrows his eyebrows, picking it up and seeing Ashton’s name lighting up the screen. It throws Luke seeing it. They’ve been home from touring for a couple weeks, taking a rest before they start the next one and Luke’s been living at his own home again. It’s odd, being here on his own, without Ashton. He’s gotten so used to being around Ashton all the time, Luke’s not sure what to do alone anymore. Not that he’s totally alone. He’s still seen Ashton during the day, getting lunch with him and taking Petunia to the park and just being together. The only difference is that now, they go back to their own homes at the end of the day. Luke misses getting to see Ashton every night, getting a kiss from him every night. The only upside is that maybe it will help cure his crush (It hasn’t so far. All it’s done is remind Luke how much he needs Ashton).

It’s just late enough at night that Luke was sure Ashton would be sleeping. Luke’s the one with anxiety related insomnia that keeps him up at night. Luke’s the one who can’t sleep at night, who Ashton always has to coax to sleep. Not Ashton, who’s calling Luke in the dead of night. Luke swipes his screen, answers the call.

“Ash?” Luke asks, quietly as the call connects.

“Hey,” Ashton says. His voice is shaky on the other side. Luke can hear the whistle of wind through the phone, the crackle of it over Ashton’s voice.

“Are you driving?”

“Yeah. I...I couldn’t sleep. Too much of something. Decided to take a drive. Was wondering if you wanted to join me.”

“Of course.”

“Good. I should be there in about five minutes or so.”

“Just enough time to fix my hair,” Luke teases. Ashton huffs something that could almost be a laugh if it wasn’t for how hollow he sounds. It makes Luke’s heart aches to hear it. Ashton’s not supposed to sound like that. Luke’s forte is being sad and depressed and emo. Not Ashton’s. 

They bid each other goodbye, hanging up their phones. Luke turns off the TV, gently setting Petunia next to him on the couch and standing up, cracking his back. He heads towards the door, grabbing his keys and putting on his sneakers. He leaves the front door, locking it behind him, turning around just in time to see Ashton pulling into the driveway. Luke heads down the driveway, meeting Ashton’s car before he pulls in completely.

“Hey,” Luke says, once he’s sitting in the passenger seat. Ashton mumbles back his own greeting, backing the car out of the driveway. The drive in silence for a bit, Luke glancing over at Ashton. He looks anxious, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, left leg bouncing. His hair looks greasy and flat and he looks exhausted. Luke frowns, leaning over and resting his hand on Ashton’s thigh, squeezing. Ashton glances over at him. 

“Where to?” Luke asks.

“Beach,” Ashton responds. Luke nods. He knows that the beach is Ashton’s go to for late nights. He took Luke to enough of them when they were living together when Luke was stressed and anxious. Ashton always talks about how much he likes the salt air, the sound of crashing waves, the smooth sand, always talks about how it’s grounding and reminds him of home and peace.

They drive in silence the rest of the way, parking on the street once they get there. Ashton turns off the car, leaving the driver’s seat and grabbing the towel he keeps in his car out of the trunk. Luke leaves the car, kicking his shoes off, and following Ashton down the wooden stairs onto the sand. They set the blanket out onto the sand, sitting down next to each other. Luke pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them. He listens to the waves crashing around them, closes his eyes, and loses himself in the feeling of it. He takes a deep breath, opening his eyes, tilting his head to look at Ashton. 

Ashton’s staring out to the sea, cross legged and quiet. His eyes look unfocused, lost in whatever it is that’s bothering him. Luke knows Ashton, knows that he won’t talk about it, won’t tell Luke what it is that is bothering him. Luke doesn’t know how to breach Ashton’s walls, how to get him to say something, tell Luke what it is that's bothering him. Luke rests his hand onto the blanket next to Ashton’s, just barely touching Ashton. Ashton still doesn’t respond, lost in whatever torment his own mind is playing on him. Luke frowns, desperately trying to think of something that he can do to help Ashton. 

_A forehead kiss,_ his own brain supplies. Luke frowns. Ashton doesn’t usually prefer physical intimacy, but whenever he does it for Luke, it helps him. Maybe it will help Ashton this time.

Luke leans over, pressing his lips to Ashton’s temple. He doesn’t know what compels him to do it in the moment, other than the fact that Luke knows it always brings him comfort whenever Ashton does it for him. Luke doesn’t know what he can do to help Ashton, but he wants Ashton to know that he’s there for him, that Luke will always be there for Ashton the way Ashton is for him. 

Luke pulls back, blushing lightly when Ashton lets out a soft sound, sounds like surprise and wonder, turning to face Luke. Their faces are inches apart, Luke going a little cross eyed to look at him, sees the greens and browns in Ashton’s eyes this close, the freckles over the bridge of his nose. They’re so close, Luke wishes he had the courage to close the gap, press his lips to Ashton’s and kiss him for real.

Ashton beats him to it. To Luke’s astonishment, Ashton tilts his head slightly and presses his lips to Luke’s. They’re chapped slightly, but it doesn’t make the kiss any less warm or soft or inviting. Luke’s heart soars as he kisses Ashton back, leaning into it. Luke moves his hand, resting it over Ashton’s on the towel. He hears Ashton sigh, bringing his other hand up and putting it behind Luke’s head, playing with the curls at the base of Luke’s skull, pulling him closer.

“How long?” Ashton asks when they pull apart.

“Since we met.”

“Band practice?”

“The movie theater. You defended me against all those guys making fun of my glasses. My knight in shining armor,” Luke says. Ashton laughs, startled.

“Really? I had terrible hair back then.”

“So did I. Didn’t stop me from liking you. You’re _Ashton Irwin._ You’re clearly trading down by liking me.”

“Hey, I would say I have good taste. Come on Luke, how could I not like you? You’re charming and wonderful and talented and funny. It was easy, falling in love with you.”

“Love?”

“Of course love. How could it not be?” Ashton whispers, brushing curls from Luke’s face, smiling softly. Luke thinks he might start crying.

“But I’m moody and needy and a bother and I’m... _me_.”

“You’re you. I like being needed, I like feeling important. You make me feel wonderful and cherished and important. I love you,” Ashton says. Luke can’t say anything around the lump in his throat, pulling Ashton into another soft kiss, hoping it can convey half of the emotions he’s feeling. It must, Ashton pressing back into the kiss, holding Luke close. Luke pulls back, catching his breath, blinking around the tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Come back to mine?” Luke whispers into the space between them. Ashton smiles.

“Can’t live without me?”

“I’m using you for your cooking,” he says, trying to keep his tone light and teasing to relieve some of the anxiety in his chest. Ashton smiles even wider, leaning forward to press another kiss to Luke’s lips, pulling back.

“I’ll gladly be used for my cooking if it means I get to kiss you again.”

“Maybe more than just cooking,” Luke says, blushing at the admission. Ashton laughs, interlacing their fingers.

“Anything. Anything you want.”

“Kiss me again?”

Ashton complies, pressing a kiss to Luke’s lips, his nose, his forehead. Luke giggles, eyes scrunched closed. He sighs, moving closer to Ashton, curling up into his side and laying his head on Ashton’s shoulder. He tilts his head back, beckoning Ashton closer, pressing another kiss to his forehead. Ashton smiles softly, pulling back, resting his head on top of Luke’s. Luke sighs, happy and content. Luke could get used to this, getting to have Ashton in all these ways, getting to love Ashton forever and ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr!](https://pixiegrl.tumblr.com/) Talk to me about Stardust, 5sos, Luke Hemmings, or you can sidetrack me by giving me more fic ideas!


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